Talk Like A Creationist Week

Posted on September 13, 2010. Filed under: Astrology and Related Bunk, Atheism, Humour, Religion, Science |

Tim Cooley has a fun idea.  This week is Talk Like A Creationist Week.  In the spirit of showing creationists that we are well aware of their talking points-and to have a little fun- everyone is invited to do their best impression of a creationist in the comment section.  Feel free to post your own creationist diatribe in the comment thread, the winner will be chosen based on the most believable rant- or post your best impression over at Tim’s blog.

Irrefutable proof of a Young Earth...

Tim has some great pointers to get you started:

If you’re looking to participate in the talk-like-a-creationist week here are some tips to get you started.

Do’s:

  • Speak in a moderately condescending manner or with a slight hint of condescension. ✔
    eg. “I’m feeling overwhelmed by the absence of basic human education. It’s all as obvious as the need to breath… to the point of being banal…”
  • In your arguments, mould atheism and ‘evolutionism’ and Darwinism and abiogenesis into one. ✔
  • Where appropriate, attempt sarcasm. ✔
    eg. “You’re almost smarter than every single human being on the planet, past or present. i r ignorant.”
    eg2. “lol Geez, I hope one day I can be only partially as wise as you”
  • Apply non-sequitur. ✔
    eg. “I’m not going to waste much time with this, but it [Bible] IS demonstrated to be true. Every time an injustice is felt in the world, it proves to be true.”
  • Show complete ignorance of science and how it works. ✔
    eg. “These fields of science have not dis-proven anything in the bible. There are scientists within these fields that say it has, but there are also scientists within the fields that say the bible is confirmed by the science of the field.”
    eg2. “Theory of circular momentum…for some reason does not apply to the galaxy and planets”
  • Go off-topic. ✔
    eg. “I read your precious science and it didn’t say anything about making tasty peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…”
  • Ask rhetoric questions to which you already know the answer, and nothing the responder says can change your mind. ✔
    eg.
    “Evolution has been tested has it? Really? You need to come up with some reasonable arguments rather than sound like an idiot.”
  • Produce logical inconsistencies. ✔
    eg. (too many to quote here).
  • Produce a form of reasoning that is almost too comical to deserve intellectual response. ✔
    eg. “Willfull ignorence is flying in a plane at 30 000 feet, looking out the window then going there was no flood. Haha! When is the last time you looked out the window of a plane? Its common sense.”
  • Quote-mine, or attack the evilutionist prophet Charles Darwin. ✔
  • Demonstrate a level of arrogance whenever possible. ✔
    eg. “First glaring logical flaw is your first answer. Didn’t read further.”
  • Alternatively, just be an asshole. ✔
    eg. “15 to 1 says this post was pointless. Next.”
  • Have a go at a strawman, then laugh your ass off. ✔
    eg. “Nothing exploded and created something, soup and rocks and all kinds of funny theories. My 8 year old son laughed his ass off when his teacher told him that haha!”
  • Produce at least one of the following arguments: ✔
    1. laws of thermodynamics
    2. lack of transitional fossils or fossil hoax
    3. probabilistic arguments
    4. irreducible complexity
    etc…
  • Demonstrate a misconception that “evolution is random chance” at least once in the course of your arguments. ✔
    eg. “… 1 chance in 10^340 million represents winning the California state lottery twice a week for 125 million years …”
    eg2. “… a random advantageous mutation….”
  • Smile pretentiously at end of any insincere statement. ✔
    eg. “nice site, Tim! :)
  • Always spell ‘truth’ with a capital T. ✔
    eg. “An Atheist attempting to discern the Truths of God… is like an infant attempting quantum physics. :smile.’ Can’t be done.”
  • Resort eventually to Biblical ‘proof’ ✔
    eg. “Another way to find out if God is real is to read about him….Read Genesis then find out if there is any evidence of what is in Genesis. “
  • No matter how rude you were previously, end with kind, Christian blessings. ✔
    eg. “Don’t look now, but your angst is showing. Your disrespect and pre-judgment of an entire group of people (most of whom you don’t even know) is not reciprocated. Blessings,Derek”

"Why are there still humans?"

Don’ts:

  • Produce an argument. ✘
    eg. “<start> Tim, you misunderstand genetics. </end>”
    eg2. “<start>Wow, you really do have such a minute understanding…</end>”
  • Use elementary logic.
    eg. “You dont realize that atheism is faith in nothing”
  • Perform spell-check.
    eg. “okay…where shall i start, hmm…let’s see, myths!  i wanna say, first, i said we noe it … See moreand i did mean..(none of us believe it) where i continued saying, “i can see u believin in ur wood and stones and tpk”
  • Cite due references.
    eg. “Without some form of religion, many societies and nations will become corruptive. If you disagree, your ignorant to *the facts*. ”
  • Use your brain. ✘
    **
    Whatever you do, remember that the most amusing creationist texts will result when the brain is most removed from the entire thinking/writing process.**

So good luck and happy writing… God bless!

Irreducible Complacency

Irreducible Complacency

And Here is my submission:

Tim,
You Darwinists are all the same. You keep reciting from the Holy Trinity of Darwin, Dawkins and Hitchens, but nothing you say changes THE FACTS:
1. Something doesnt come from nothing…..water + rock does not = LIFE!
Pasteur proved this 200 years ago. Spontaneus Generation is impossible therfor Darwin is a LIAR.
2. All codes come from minds and DNA is a language so it had to come from a mind so how can we have life without an intelligent cause?
3. Mutations are always take away information. You can’t get more information from a mutation. So ig you take the sentance “A fool says in their heart ‘there is no God’” and you get a mutation that removes all the vowels it becomes “fl sys n thr hrt ‘thr s n Gd’” and that doesn’t even make sense. So how could mutations make anything better??
4. Evolution has never been witnessed and we have thousands of scientists looking for it: animals only change within their own kinds eg. a bigger pigion is still a pigion.
5. Evolution contradicts the Second Law Of Thermo Dynamics and Sir Arthur Stanley Eddigton said:
“If someone points out to you that your pet theory of the universe is in disagreement with Maxwell’s equations—then so much the worse for Maxwell’s equations. If it is found to be contradicted by observation—well these experimentalists do bungle things sometimes. BUT IF YOUR THEORY is found to be against the second law of thermodynamics I can give you no hope; there is nothing for it but to COLLAPSE IN DEEPEST HUMILIATION. ” Ha! Even evolutionists know that Darwinism is a farce! ;)
6. Even the simplest DNA could not come about by chance. IT would be like a tornado sweeping through a junkyard and assembling a Boeing 747! Life is too complex to explain away as chance. How did the eye come about by chance? How does an eye come from nothing?
7. How is it that the moon is just the right size to fit over the Sun? Or that we live on a palnet that is just perfect for our existance? Again you Darwinists say that the universe came from nothing. Yet something MUST HAVE EXISTED to make things just right. You don’t get organization from chaos- just like in our junkyard!

Did you know that Hitler was a Darwinist? so was Stalin and Mao. Without God to give us morality, we just become survival of the fittest.

Atheists just bow before the Holy Trinity of Darwin, Dawkins and Hitchens because they are angry at God. They create the religion of atheism to explain how they could get here without God. They need to find reasons to turn there back’s on God. If God didnt make the universe then it’s ok to be a godless hethen. WELL IVE GOT NEWS FOR YOU TIM: AND ITS VERY GOOD NEWS INDEED! John 3:16. Look it up. It’s not too late to save your soul.
God Bless……

Hat tip to Tim Cooley for a great idea!

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3 Responses to “Talk Like A Creationist Week”

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It’s all rumor–from the Bible to “The Grand Design.”

When asked by Larry King, if given the opportunity to travel forward or backward in time which he would choose, Stephen Hawking said he’d rather travel forward. Why? So he could see how m-theory panned out.

We do not presently know how the universe came to be. m-theory can very easily make God unnecessary for explaining the universe…using a unified theory. But it can just as easily make God a masterpiece compositional conductor of symphonic wonder, which is as lovely as a song, or as the changing of the leaves in autumn–which makes use of the same principle which is said to guide the filaments or strings in string theory: resonance.

Perhaps God is not necessary for “explaining the universe”. I do not disagree with this at all. But we do not know as of yet, if he is necessary for the fact that it came about in the first place, or that it continues to sustain itself or be sustained.

I know how much you love Bible verses, so here’s one for your “laugh-track.”

Hebrews 11:3 “By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.”

This holy rumor may be true…it may be false. But the whole idea of the Hadron Collider seems to show that we have yet “to know.” Why do we need a multi-billion dollar machine as complex as the HC? Because we cannot see the other dimensions, therefore we have to run a test, measuring the energy before the test and measuring the energy after the test. If the energy is less after, then there is our evidence of “the unseen” reality of those other curled up dimensions we are saying must exist in order to explain what is seen.

And yet, the Holy Book of Rumors tells us right in the book of Hebrews– already, that these dimensions do in fact exist!! O we of little faith!

I’m with Hawking. I’d travel forward, as well. I’d like to see how Hebrews 11:3 pans out.

I’d also like to see if I actually get that fishing trip I requested from Jesus Christ [e.g. my Wilson Ball]

Kate.

That was fun. I won’t win, but it was an entertaining adventure trying to sound stupid and type that bad on purpose.

Bonus points for speaking with a British accent and growing a beard like Ken Ham!

If I might suggest another talking point, claim that your opponents are in rebellion against God. I’ve heard this quite a few times from creationists, and it’s annoying.


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